Wednesday, March 30, 2011

On Words

My husband is absolutely awful at telling me nice things.  Awful at it. 

I come from a family of 2 sisters and a mom who constantly say nice things.  That my outfit is cute, that those shoes rock with that skirt, that my hair kicks *ss today.  I've never heard Coach tell his family that he loves them; they just aren't the verbal type.  Plus his mom is usually fishing for compliments, which drives him nuts. 

So verbalizing how he feels about a person is completely foreign to him.  He's pretty good about telling me that he loves me, and I know he thinks nice things about me, it just never occurs to him to SAY them. 

I've sat him down and told him how important affirming words are to me numerous times.  He just can't execute them. 

I don't know what else to do.  Telling him that he's handsome or that he looks hot in his running shorts is easy as pie for me (he hates hearing this stuff by the way, I have to be careful not to say stuff like that too often or he acts like I'm mortally wounding him).  I struggle with body image, and his inability to say that he is attracted to me gets harder every day.  In his mind, he's sleeping with me, so of course he's attracted to me.  But I need to hear it.  Then again, maybe I need to be secure with myself on my own and not depend on his "approval".

I knew all of this about him before we got married.  I guess I thought that if he realized HOW important it was to me, that he would make an effort.  His brain just doesn't work like that, unfortunately.

Do you struggle with your partner not giving you what you need sometimes?

Friday, March 11, 2011


I have a tendency to worry over things that really don't need to be worried over.

Yesterday I read an article that it can take up to a year to start ovulating again after being on birth control.  Especially if you've been on BC for an extended period of time.

I've been on BC for 12 years now, and by the time we're ready to have kids, it'll be 15.  I have endometriosis, and the periods I had before BC were dreadful in every possible definition.  My longest streak was a 3 month long period that left me almost anemic, exhausted and wondering how I could ever have a sex life in the future if things went on the way they did.

I quit smoking, changed my diet and exercise habits and have never felt better.  This year, I had the first normal period of my life-a mere 6 days. 

I know that my endometriosis is going to make it that much harder for Coach and I to conceive.  And now the BC looks like it will too.  Here's the quandry though:  Do I wait until I'm 27, 28, and stop taking the BC in the hopes that I'll start ovulating a year later (when I'm ready)?  Or do I wait until we are 100% ready and then just....wait? 

All this, and having kids still freaks me out.  The job I'm in right now is not even remotely conducive to having babies (no paid maternity leave, no maternity coverage on our health insurance, a boss that purposefully hires people without kids, etc), and I want more time with just Coach and I.  I want to weather a few more storms (insurance against the havoc babies can wreck on a relationship!) and sock away some seriously good times (like taking our belated honeymoon!) before we start down the path of parenthood.  But I wonder, in the back of my head, if us taking this time now is going to cause us fertility heartaches in the future. 

I just hope I feel ready some day.  I'm scared I won't.  And I'm scared about ovulating now.  Awesome. 

And we're visiting the grandchild-ravenous in-laws this weekend!

Do you worry about things way off in the future?  Or do you worry about ovulating?  I know I do!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

On Comparisons

Monday I was at one of the nursing homes I market, working with the activities director.  I was leaving, and mentioned to the activities director how much I enjoyed my "me" time when Coach is away at athletic competitions.  The activities assistant chimes in that she wouldn't ever want to spend one single second away from husband, and that she loved it when her ex husband left town. 

I really resent my marriage being compared to her skeezy ex.  To me, the implication is that if you have a good marriage and if you really love your husband, then you wouldn't want to spend any time away from him.

Our own respective "me" times is one of the best things Coach and I do for ourselves and each other.  Besides the fact that I knew going into our marriage that Coach would be out of town lots of weekends, and I like to make the best of things.  I thoroughly enjoy time to myself, time with my sisters and family when Coach is out of town.  And I am always excited to see him and spend Sunday with him when he gets back. 

Argh.   It just really rubbed me the wrong way, to be compared to her yucky ex. 

Have you ever found yourself being compared to an undesirable situation?