Tuesday, March 1, 2011

On Comparisons

Monday I was at one of the nursing homes I market, working with the activities director.  I was leaving, and mentioned to the activities director how much I enjoyed my "me" time when Coach is away at athletic competitions.  The activities assistant chimes in that she wouldn't ever want to spend one single second away from husband, and that she loved it when her ex husband left town. 

I really resent my marriage being compared to her skeezy ex.  To me, the implication is that if you have a good marriage and if you really love your husband, then you wouldn't want to spend any time away from him.

Our own respective "me" times is one of the best things Coach and I do for ourselves and each other.  Besides the fact that I knew going into our marriage that Coach would be out of town lots of weekends, and I like to make the best of things.  I thoroughly enjoy time to myself, time with my sisters and family when Coach is out of town.  And I am always excited to see him and spend Sunday with him when he gets back. 

Argh.   It just really rubbed me the wrong way, to be compared to her yucky ex. 

Have you ever found yourself being compared to an undesirable situation? 


  1. This person is insecure about her relationship. It's positive and healthy to have time away from your spouse. You know when you're standing so close to someone that you can't see them clearly, because your eyes can't fully focus? Never having time apart is like never seeing each other in focus. Part of intimacy is holding the time together and the time apart and knowing that they are both important. Also, you wouldn't be a whole person if your only identity was as a spouse. That doesn't make for a healthy marriage.

    I'm sorry that this woman made you feel bad with her comparison. There are all kinds of people out there with crummy attitudes about relationships, and you happened to find her on a day when she needed to lash out, to quell her own insecurity. Then she hit one of your buttons-- otherwise you would have just wrinkled your nose in disgust and not given it a second thought.

  2. Yeah, don't let her bother you. My husband and I are the same way as you and Coach--we really enjoy our own "me" times. You're just fine! :) Honestly, I think it's unhealthy to spend EVERYMINUTEVERYDAY together. Hello, codependency!


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