Friday, January 28, 2011

On Anniversaries

In bed and on his computer on Wednesday, Coach looked up, surprised, and said, "we've been married for 6 months on Monday."  I had completely forgotten and shrugged it off--6 month anniversaries don't really do it for me.  Coach went back to his computer and that was the end of it. 

Until I got home last night.  Coach left for a track meet in Indiana yesterday and won't be back until late Saturday night.  I walked into the kitchen with my hands full and stopped as soon as I laid eyes on the kitchen table.  He had gotten me roses....creamy white roses with pale pink tips, almost like peony-roses.  And the sweetest note. 

Oh he is full of surprises!  I carried the flowers from room to room with me last night....I had them in the kitchen while I made dinner, and brought them to the bedroom while I got ready for bed. 

6 months of marriage and I didn't even realize it!  We both got new jobs, we bought and began to renovate a house, we fought, we made up, I cried, we laughed.  We made it through our first holiday season together.  We even cleaned a basement reaking of dog urine (courtesy of the last owners). 

If that's the first 6 months, I am super interested to see what the next 6 months will bring! 

I am so, so glad I married him....even when he makes me crazy. 

Are you a big anniversary person, or do they fly by un-noticed? 

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

On Fine Lines

Not on your face.  Though I do wonder when one should begin an anti-aging is better to start in your 20's or is that just a waste?

Anyway.  This is about fine lines in marriage.  In this case, the fine line between being helpful to your spouse while trying not to be so helpful that you feel like the happy homemaker wife. 

Not that there is anything wrong with the happy homemaker wife.  What I mean by that is...the wife who puts her husband above herself all the time. 

Here's the dilemma:  My husband works a lot.  And with indoor track season being under way, he's putting in 12/14 hour days at the office and he's gone pretty much every Friday and Saturday.  I, caring greatly about his welfare, do my best to ensure that his time at home is as relaxing as possible. 

This is where the fine line comes in.  I want to be helpful to him--have dinner ready when he's had a long day, make sure his laundry is done so that when he packs his bag for his meet, he has plenty of clean clothes, etc etc.  But it's hard for me to do this and not feel a little bit like the happy homemaker wife.  I don't want to feel that way.  I'm an independent woman, I don't like feeling like this 1950's suffocated housewife.  And that's what all of this makes me feel like.

So far, marriage seems to me to be all about finding a good balance with your spouse.  And here's another spot where I need to find a good balance. 

How do you all handle stuff like this?  Is it the other way around in your relationship?

Friday, January 21, 2011

On General Unease

I'm not entirely happy with Coach right now. 

The only things I ever hear from him are negative.  While 95% of this is meant jokingly, when not balanced with something nice said once in a blue moon, it starts to weigh me down. 

I guess I don't feel like he's attracted to me.  His actions reflect that he is, but his words never do.  I get that "words of affirmation" isn't his style, that it isn't natural to him, that it's difficult for him to verbalize how he feels. But WTF, would it KILL him to tell me that I look nice every now and then?  Or say something genuinely nice instead of making "ironic" oinking noises when I eat another scoop of ice cream and think it's hysterical?  (He says it's ironic because I'm so small.  I sure as hell do not FEEL small when he does this). 

Ugh.  Sometimes I just want to throttle him!  The stuff he says really is funny most of the time, but if I never ever hear anything remotely nice it all becomes drastically less funny.  I'm going to have to have a talk with him when he gets back from his meet Sunday morning. 

I try so hard to understand how he expresses his love for me.  But sometimes, I just need to know that I'm desirable to him. 

Anyone else out there want to shake their partner sometimes?

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

On Workaholics

Coach is an absolute workaholic.

Some of it is the fact that this is his first year on the job.

Some of it is that he's such good friends with many of his athletes.

And some of it is just Coach.  He's always been a bit like this.

The texts from athletes usually start around 6 a.m., and don't end until 10 p.m. or so.  He's in his office for 8-10 hours a day, so you'd think that would give his athletes enough time to talk to him about whatever they need to talk to him about, but apparenty not.  They text him constantly, about every little thing...and Coach will complain and say that his phone always going off is driving him nuts, but he always replies. 

All of this results in me never feeling like I have his full attention.  Or that his athletes/work takes precedence over everything else. 

Not a good feeling to have.

I know that quite a bit of this is just because indoor track season just started, so I'm going to keep my mouth shut for another week or so.  But I believe that at some point, you have to put the phone on silent and stop checking e-mails. 

Anyone else have a workaholic spouse?  Or are you the guilty workaholic? 

Monday, January 3, 2011

On Shoulds

Coach and I have been running in to lots of expectations from others (mainly his parents and our friends) on how we should treat each other. 

If Coach says something ridiculous and joking to me, his dad will pull him aside and warn him that "one day, she might not think it's funny."  If I want a couch that Coach doesn't like as much as I do, his mom will tell him that he should just let me have what I want.  Friends do the same.  I was told by Coach's mom this weekend that "if I wear him down I can just do what I want." 

Really?  "Wear him down?"  That sounds terrible!

Coach and I got quite a bit of this with wedding planning too.  All of Coach's family and friends were used to grooms who let the bride have "her day," and it really threw them off that Coach and I considered our wedding to be our day.  Coach had a big part in almost every single wedding decision.  This sucks sometimes (when I want something that he hates), but it forced us to talk through things and find something that was a healthy compromise. 

These behavorial expectations are unfortunate.  I think that Coach and I have a really good thing going.  I'm not interested in just being given what I want 100% of the time-how is that fair to Coach?  I'm also not interested in "wearing him down."  If we can't talk through it and reach a happy compromise, then we probably don't need it anyway. 

I know that the people around us care about us tremendously, and just want us to be happy.  Happiness does not always have to follow one distinct mold, though.

Are you ever held up to certain behavioral expectations by your family and friends?