Tuesday, April 5, 2011

On Farting

My husband thinks it's absolutely hysterically funny to fart at me, or on me.

Exhibit A:
January 2010, we're engaged and at his parents house for the New Year.  Coach wrestles me to the floor, holds me down, and farts on me, all the while his mom is shrieking in the background "She could still change her mind, she could not marry you, I wouldn't marry someone who held me down and farted on me!"  As hard as I tried to be mad, I just couldn't-I was laughing too hard.  Who does that?  My husband!

So last night, we're watching Netflix and relaxing, and he positions his butt over one of our puppies faces and farts.  Farting humor just doesn't get old. 

There's another benefit to having dogs...the husband farts on them and not on me!

Does your partner do something super gross, somewhat offensive but still funny?

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

On Words

My husband is absolutely awful at telling me nice things.  Awful at it. 

I come from a family of 2 sisters and a mom who constantly say nice things.  That my outfit is cute, that those shoes rock with that skirt, that my hair kicks *ss today.  I've never heard Coach tell his family that he loves them; they just aren't the verbal type.  Plus his mom is usually fishing for compliments, which drives him nuts. 

So verbalizing how he feels about a person is completely foreign to him.  He's pretty good about telling me that he loves me, and I know he thinks nice things about me, it just never occurs to him to SAY them. 

I've sat him down and told him how important affirming words are to me numerous times.  He just can't execute them. 

I don't know what else to do.  Telling him that he's handsome or that he looks hot in his running shorts is easy as pie for me (he hates hearing this stuff by the way, I have to be careful not to say stuff like that too often or he acts like I'm mortally wounding him).  I struggle with body image, and his inability to say that he is attracted to me gets harder every day.  In his mind, he's sleeping with me, so of course he's attracted to me.  But I need to hear it.  Then again, maybe I need to be secure with myself on my own and not depend on his "approval".

I knew all of this about him before we got married.  I guess I thought that if he realized HOW important it was to me, that he would make an effort.  His brain just doesn't work like that, unfortunately.

Do you struggle with your partner not giving you what you need sometimes?

Friday, March 11, 2011


I have a tendency to worry over things that really don't need to be worried over.

Yesterday I read an article that it can take up to a year to start ovulating again after being on birth control.  Especially if you've been on BC for an extended period of time.

I've been on BC for 12 years now, and by the time we're ready to have kids, it'll be 15.  I have endometriosis, and the periods I had before BC were dreadful in every possible definition.  My longest streak was a 3 month long period that left me almost anemic, exhausted and wondering how I could ever have a sex life in the future if things went on the way they did.

I quit smoking, changed my diet and exercise habits and have never felt better.  This year, I had the first normal period of my life-a mere 6 days. 

I know that my endometriosis is going to make it that much harder for Coach and I to conceive.  And now the BC looks like it will too.  Here's the quandry though:  Do I wait until I'm 27, 28, and stop taking the BC in the hopes that I'll start ovulating a year later (when I'm ready)?  Or do I wait until we are 100% ready and then just....wait? 

All this, and having kids still freaks me out.  The job I'm in right now is not even remotely conducive to having babies (no paid maternity leave, no maternity coverage on our health insurance, a boss that purposefully hires people without kids, etc), and I want more time with just Coach and I.  I want to weather a few more storms (insurance against the havoc babies can wreck on a relationship!) and sock away some seriously good times (like taking our belated honeymoon!) before we start down the path of parenthood.  But I wonder, in the back of my head, if us taking this time now is going to cause us fertility heartaches in the future. 

I just hope I feel ready some day.  I'm scared I won't.  And I'm scared about ovulating now.  Awesome. 

And we're visiting the grandchild-ravenous in-laws this weekend!

Do you worry about things way off in the future?  Or do you worry about ovulating?  I know I do!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

On Comparisons

Monday I was at one of the nursing homes I market, working with the activities director.  I was leaving, and mentioned to the activities director how much I enjoyed my "me" time when Coach is away at athletic competitions.  The activities assistant chimes in that she wouldn't ever want to spend one single second away from husband, and that she loved it when her ex husband left town. 

I really resent my marriage being compared to her skeezy ex.  To me, the implication is that if you have a good marriage and if you really love your husband, then you wouldn't want to spend any time away from him.

Our own respective "me" times is one of the best things Coach and I do for ourselves and each other.  Besides the fact that I knew going into our marriage that Coach would be out of town lots of weekends, and I like to make the best of things.  I thoroughly enjoy time to myself, time with my sisters and family when Coach is out of town.  And I am always excited to see him and spend Sunday with him when he gets back. 

Argh.   It just really rubbed me the wrong way, to be compared to her yucky ex. 

Have you ever found yourself being compared to an undesirable situation? 

Monday, February 21, 2011

On Birthdays

Coach's birthday is in April.  I really want to do some birthday a**-kicking this year, but so far it isn't working out.

Attempt 1:  Coach is lusting after a table saw.  I thought he liked a compact one at Lowe's for $300, which I was going to buy for him after squirreling away a month's worth of freelancing money.  Then I find out he has only been looking at that one since that's the only one we can reasonably afford any time soon, and that he actually needs the $800.  I can't squirrel enough freelancing money away for that, so there goes that idea.

Attempt 2:  Coach has zero guy friends in the town we live in-they all live in his hometown 2 hours away.  With his travelling schedule for work, the last thing he wants to do on his 1 or 2 weekends off every 3 months is travel.  So I thought it would rock to bring some of his guy friends down to visit him, as a surprise, for his birthday.  But Coach doesn't have a single free weekend in all of April.  Idea 2, struck down.

Oh, and he wants a stupid toilet for his birthday.  A toilet.  Home improvement stuff like that is not a birthday present to me, it's something we buy out of the funds we've set aside for the house.

Current Attempt:  A John Pils print of the new Busch Stadium and Sportsmen's Park, framed for his office.  Also, a nice dinner out at his favorite steak joint.  And maybe a toilet. 

I wanted his birthday to be awesome, but I am foiled at every turn!

Have you ever had a time of it trying to make something special for your partner?

Sunday, February 13, 2011

On Romancing

I read this article on Simple Mom a couple of days ago.

The article was written by Alisa Bowman, who is coming out with a book called "Project Happily Ever After."

Normally I don't dig relationship self help books, because I pick out every sign of disaster in a relationship that they mention and search wildly through Coach's and I's relationship and become convinced that we're doomed.  So I steer clear.

But I loved this article.  The whole premise is to let your partner know that they are adored, and to never take them for granted.  And vice versa of course.  But flowers, chocolates or fancy dinners are not the focus.

The simple things are, the every day things.  Like when Coach gets out of bed early to turn the space heater on for me in our bathroom, so I can have a nice warm shower.  Or when he cooks dinner AND does the dishes because I have lots of freelancing work I have to do.  I try my best to do the same for him.

The little things, the daily things that make a partnership a loving one.  Coach has never been one for big, sweeping romantic gestures....but that's OK, because he knocks it out of the park on a daily basis.  Most of the time at least!

How do you make your partner feel adored?

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

On Favorites

Kim posted about her favorite moment regarding her wedding...which got me thinking about mine.

Coach and I saw each other for pictures before the ceremony.  We also had our receiving line right before the ceremony...which was unbelievably amazing.  Right in the middle of the chaos of greeting over 200 guests in a span of 15 minutes and trying to keep it all together, I grabbed my almost-husband and yanked him into the "bridal" room.  You know, one of those rooms with awkward furniture and random mirrors?

It was our only moment alone until we hit the hotel room that night.  We didn't even say much, we just looked at each other and grinned.  He held my face in his hands, looked me in the eyes and told me how beautiful I looked.  We told each other that we loved them, we kissed....and we got married.  And it was awesome. 

That little 30 second piece of time on our crazy wonderful wedding day makes me melt every time I think about it. 

What was your favorite, ethereal, knee-weakening moment?

Friday, January 28, 2011

On Anniversaries

In bed and on his computer on Wednesday, Coach looked up, surprised, and said, "we've been married for 6 months on Monday."  I had completely forgotten and shrugged it off--6 month anniversaries don't really do it for me.  Coach went back to his computer and that was the end of it. 

Until I got home last night.  Coach left for a track meet in Indiana yesterday and won't be back until late Saturday night.  I walked into the kitchen with my hands full and stopped as soon as I laid eyes on the kitchen table.  He had gotten me roses....creamy white roses with pale pink tips, almost like peony-roses.  And the sweetest note. 

Oh he is full of surprises!  I carried the flowers from room to room with me last night....I had them in the kitchen while I made dinner, and brought them to the bedroom while I got ready for bed. 

6 months of marriage and I didn't even realize it!  We both got new jobs, we bought and began to renovate a house, we fought, we made up, I cried, we laughed.  We made it through our first holiday season together.  We even cleaned a basement reaking of dog urine (courtesy of the last owners). 

If that's the first 6 months, I am super interested to see what the next 6 months will bring! 

I am so, so glad I married him....even when he makes me crazy. 

Are you a big anniversary person, or do they fly by un-noticed? 

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

On Fine Lines

Not on your face.  Though I do wonder when one should begin an anti-aging regimen...is is better to start in your 20's or is that just a waste?

Anyway.  This is about fine lines in marriage.  In this case, the fine line between being helpful to your spouse while trying not to be so helpful that you feel like the happy homemaker wife. 

Not that there is anything wrong with the happy homemaker wife.  What I mean by that is...the wife who puts her husband above herself all the time. 

Here's the dilemma:  My husband works a lot.  And with indoor track season being under way, he's putting in 12/14 hour days at the office and he's gone pretty much every Friday and Saturday.  I, caring greatly about his welfare, do my best to ensure that his time at home is as relaxing as possible. 

This is where the fine line comes in.  I want to be helpful to him--have dinner ready when he's had a long day, make sure his laundry is done so that when he packs his bag for his meet, he has plenty of clean clothes, etc etc.  But it's hard for me to do this and not feel a little bit like the happy homemaker wife.  I don't want to feel that way.  I'm an independent woman, I don't like feeling like this 1950's suffocated housewife.  And that's what all of this makes me feel like.

So far, marriage seems to me to be all about finding a good balance with your spouse.  And here's another spot where I need to find a good balance. 

How do you all handle stuff like this?  Is it the other way around in your relationship?

Friday, January 21, 2011

On General Unease

I'm not entirely happy with Coach right now. 

The only things I ever hear from him are negative.  While 95% of this is meant jokingly, when not balanced with something nice said once in a blue moon, it starts to weigh me down. 

I guess I don't feel like he's attracted to me.  His actions reflect that he is, but his words never do.  I get that "words of affirmation" isn't his style, that it isn't natural to him, that it's difficult for him to verbalize how he feels. But WTF, would it KILL him to tell me that I look nice every now and then?  Or say something genuinely nice instead of making "ironic" oinking noises when I eat another scoop of ice cream and think it's hysterical?  (He says it's ironic because I'm so small.  I sure as hell do not FEEL small when he does this). 

Ugh.  Sometimes I just want to throttle him!  The stuff he says really is funny most of the time, but if I never ever hear anything remotely nice it all becomes drastically less funny.  I'm going to have to have a talk with him when he gets back from his meet Sunday morning. 

I try so hard to understand how he expresses his love for me.  But sometimes, I just need to know that I'm desirable to him. 

Anyone else out there want to shake their partner sometimes?

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

On Workaholics

Coach is an absolute workaholic.

Some of it is the fact that this is his first year on the job.

Some of it is that he's such good friends with many of his athletes.

And some of it is just Coach.  He's always been a bit like this.

The texts from athletes usually start around 6 a.m., and don't end until 10 p.m. or so.  He's in his office for 8-10 hours a day, so you'd think that would give his athletes enough time to talk to him about whatever they need to talk to him about, but apparenty not.  They text him constantly, about every little thing...and Coach will complain and say that his phone always going off is driving him nuts, but he always replies. 

All of this results in me never feeling like I have his full attention.  Or that his athletes/work takes precedence over everything else. 

Not a good feeling to have.

I know that quite a bit of this is just because indoor track season just started, so I'm going to keep my mouth shut for another week or so.  But I believe that at some point, you have to put the phone on silent and stop checking e-mails. 

Anyone else have a workaholic spouse?  Or are you the guilty workaholic? 

Monday, January 3, 2011

On Shoulds

Coach and I have been running in to lots of expectations from others (mainly his parents and our friends) on how we should treat each other. 

If Coach says something ridiculous and joking to me, his dad will pull him aside and warn him that "one day, she might not think it's funny."  If I want a couch that Coach doesn't like as much as I do, his mom will tell him that he should just let me have what I want.  Friends do the same.  I was told by Coach's mom this weekend that "if I wear him down I can just do what I want." 

Really?  "Wear him down?"  That sounds terrible!

Coach and I got quite a bit of this with wedding planning too.  All of Coach's family and friends were used to grooms who let the bride have "her day," and it really threw them off that Coach and I considered our wedding to be our day.  Coach had a big part in almost every single wedding decision.  This sucks sometimes (when I want something that he hates), but it forced us to talk through things and find something that was a healthy compromise. 

These behavorial expectations are unfortunate.  I think that Coach and I have a really good thing going.  I'm not interested in just being given what I want 100% of the time-how is that fair to Coach?  I'm also not interested in "wearing him down."  If we can't talk through it and reach a happy compromise, then we probably don't need it anyway. 

I know that the people around us care about us tremendously, and just want us to be happy.  Happiness does not always have to follow one distinct mold, though.

Are you ever held up to certain behavioral expectations by your family and friends?