Tuesday, October 19, 2010

On Attractiveness

I'm terrified of not being attractive to Coach.

OK, not to make my husband sound like an ass, but fitness is his life.  He's a cross country coach for goodness sakes.  He doesn't expect me to look like a fitness model, but he does expect me to at least try to maintain some level of physical fitness.  The man thinks I look the hottest all sweaty in a sports bra and running shorts.  And it's not like he doesn't hold himself to certain standards either-he's a marathoner, he cares very much about being healthy.

I feel like I'm making him sound a total ass.  Please don't think that about him, he really isn't.  I've always known this about him-it's not like a bomb that he dropped on me post-marriage.  And I know that he will always love me, no matter what.  But I also know that he will not be attracted to me, no matter what.  To him I think it's a way of showing your partner that you love them-by loving and caring for yourself.

So I guess I shouldn't say that I am terrified of not being attractive to my husband.  It just means that I'm always going to be conscious of this.  And frankly, Coach would make my mind rest much, much easier if he would tell me that I look nice, or do-able, etc, but that just isn't him.  Though it does make the times he tells me I look beautiful/sexy/etc that much more meaningful.

Do you worry about being attractive to your partner?


  1. YESSSS!!! 10000% yes. I've had some thoughts brewing about doing a post like this. (Thanks for stealing it, btw. Are you in my brain? Jk.)

    I don't believe in "letting yourself go" just because you're married. Sex/intimacy is a HUGE part of a marriage. Lose that and you lose a lot, I think. I spend a lot of time/money to make sure I look attractive to Josh and although he doesn't spend money on make up or his hair, I expect him to look nice for me, too. I've gained some weight since our wedding and I feel like shit because I don't look as good as I did a few months ago. I know he loves me and thinks I'm "do-able" (love that) but I don't want to get comfortable at this weight. Does that make sense?

    Anyway, fantastic post. Agree a billion percent. You're awesome :)

  2. Emily, I am in your brain. It's quite comfy.

    Just kidding! Ok I'm glad I didn't 1, make my hubs look like a huge dbag and 2, sound like vain beotch. I've gained some weight too and I feel like ass, that's what brought the whole conversation between Coach and I. Not wanting to get comfortable at that weight completely makes sense. I think if it's reasonable then it's fine, but it can veer off into unhealthy, then its not so fine (obvsi, but I gotta say it!). I think we're both petite girls, and I think that small amounts of weight that many people scoff at show up differently on small frames. I am so where you're at right now. For me it's more of a wake up call to be more consistent about my workouts and more conscious of what I'm putting in my mouth.

    I'm so glad you found your way over here! And thank you for saying such nice things...I re-wrote this 10 x because I had such a hard time getting it out of my head in a somewhat sensible fashion.

  3. YES! And I've gained weight since our wedding too so I've been self conscious, which isn't good for me or him (or our relationship). Like you said, I know he'll never not love me, but it's important that he still finds me as attractive as he used to! I agree with Em 1000% - Sex/intimacy is a HUGE part of a marriage, and physical appearance is a large part of that!

  4. Hmmm. I more worry for myself. I've put on some weight in the last 6 months. Not much, but enough so that I don't feel amazing.

    I think the only thing that would turn Paddy off would be my own self-consciousness.

    I'm on to it now though. Have to before the wedding!


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