Friday, January 21, 2011

On General Unease

I'm not entirely happy with Coach right now. 

The only things I ever hear from him are negative.  While 95% of this is meant jokingly, when not balanced with something nice said once in a blue moon, it starts to weigh me down. 

I guess I don't feel like he's attracted to me.  His actions reflect that he is, but his words never do.  I get that "words of affirmation" isn't his style, that it isn't natural to him, that it's difficult for him to verbalize how he feels. But WTF, would it KILL him to tell me that I look nice every now and then?  Or say something genuinely nice instead of making "ironic" oinking noises when I eat another scoop of ice cream and think it's hysterical?  (He says it's ironic because I'm so small.  I sure as hell do not FEEL small when he does this). 

Ugh.  Sometimes I just want to throttle him!  The stuff he says really is funny most of the time, but if I never ever hear anything remotely nice it all becomes drastically less funny.  I'm going to have to have a talk with him when he gets back from his meet Sunday morning. 

I try so hard to understand how he expresses his love for me.  But sometimes, I just need to know that I'm desirable to him. 

Anyone else out there want to shake their partner sometimes?


  1. David's not good at telling me I look nice either. And when I bring it up he says, 'You DO look good!' Uhhh, it doesn't quite mean as much when I tell you I want to hear it.

  2. I noticed that you mentioned the "words of affirmation," which I know as part of the pop psychology concept of the "Five Love Languages." And I would just like to say that the point of that schema for understanding relationships is not just to help us identify what we're missing... it's to tell our partners the best ways to show love to us.

    In other words, if words of affirmation are what you need, then Coach should be *trying* to give you that, rather than focusing on a love language that might not be as meaningful to you. Just like you should try to show love in the ways that *he* would best receive it.

    I certainly do want to shake my partner sometimes. He's very good at complimenting me, but he's not good at other things. I think that's just part of being in a long-term relationship, though. And it's good to let yourself get past the idealization stage, to where you see all the faults and you still choose to love each other.

  3. I totally know how you feel. My BF is the exact same way and it makes me wonder if he's allergic to compliments...

  4. I am glad someone mentioned The Five Love Languages...have you and Coach read it? It is really eye-opening and I think it could definitely help! I highly recommend it for both partners to read.

  5. Amy--I read it, and I am a big fan! I tried to get Coach to read it, but his response was, and I quote, "I feel loved." I still think it's funny!


Let it all out, this is a safe space!