Monday, January 3, 2011

On Shoulds

Coach and I have been running in to lots of expectations from others (mainly his parents and our friends) on how we should treat each other. 

If Coach says something ridiculous and joking to me, his dad will pull him aside and warn him that "one day, she might not think it's funny."  If I want a couch that Coach doesn't like as much as I do, his mom will tell him that he should just let me have what I want.  Friends do the same.  I was told by Coach's mom this weekend that "if I wear him down I can just do what I want." 

Really?  "Wear him down?"  That sounds terrible!

Coach and I got quite a bit of this with wedding planning too.  All of Coach's family and friends were used to grooms who let the bride have "her day," and it really threw them off that Coach and I considered our wedding to be our day.  Coach had a big part in almost every single wedding decision.  This sucks sometimes (when I want something that he hates), but it forced us to talk through things and find something that was a healthy compromise. 

These behavorial expectations are unfortunate.  I think that Coach and I have a really good thing going.  I'm not interested in just being given what I want 100% of the time-how is that fair to Coach?  I'm also not interested in "wearing him down."  If we can't talk through it and reach a happy compromise, then we probably don't need it anyway. 

I know that the people around us care about us tremendously, and just want us to be happy.  Happiness does not always have to follow one distinct mold, though.

Are you ever held up to certain behavioral expectations by your family and friends?

1 comment:

  1. I have a huge problem with people pushing their personal views of gender roles on others. Actually, I have an even bigger problem with gender roles... I think it is wonderful that you two spend time to find out what is best for you and not what others tell you to do.

    In the end, you two will have a much stronger, wonderful relationship and marriage.


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