Wednesday, January 26, 2011

On Fine Lines

Not on your face.  Though I do wonder when one should begin an anti-aging is better to start in your 20's or is that just a waste?

Anyway.  This is about fine lines in marriage.  In this case, the fine line between being helpful to your spouse while trying not to be so helpful that you feel like the happy homemaker wife. 

Not that there is anything wrong with the happy homemaker wife.  What I mean by that is...the wife who puts her husband above herself all the time. 

Here's the dilemma:  My husband works a lot.  And with indoor track season being under way, he's putting in 12/14 hour days at the office and he's gone pretty much every Friday and Saturday.  I, caring greatly about his welfare, do my best to ensure that his time at home is as relaxing as possible. 

This is where the fine line comes in.  I want to be helpful to him--have dinner ready when he's had a long day, make sure his laundry is done so that when he packs his bag for his meet, he has plenty of clean clothes, etc etc.  But it's hard for me to do this and not feel a little bit like the happy homemaker wife.  I don't want to feel that way.  I'm an independent woman, I don't like feeling like this 1950's suffocated housewife.  And that's what all of this makes me feel like.

So far, marriage seems to me to be all about finding a good balance with your spouse.  And here's another spot where I need to find a good balance. 

How do you all handle stuff like this?  Is it the other way around in your relationship?


  1. What if you made a list of things you'll agree to do for him and things he needs to do for himself? For example, you'll cook but he cleans up. And if you make enough for him to take leftovers for lunch the next day, he has to pack those. You do the laundry but he folds his own. Almost like splitting each task in two.

    I'm happy to do a lot of things for my husband, but I am not his mother. I'm sort of in the reverse situation, actually. I work a LOT more hours than him, and one if not both days of the weekend. There are a lot of days when he just has to fend for himself and again...he's a big boy, he'll figure it out :)

  2. If this was a 365 days a year thing, I can see where you'd start feeling a little June Cleaver-ish. But tell yourself that you're just putting in a little extra time around the house till he has more time to help out more too!

  3. I do a lot for my husband and it doesn't bother me at all. I cook for him and clean the dishes and do the laundry and clean the house but I don't mind because it makes me happy to see him well cared for. He helps out in other ways by fixing everything, bringing the groceries in, shoveling all the snow, bringing the trash out, etc. And when I get behind he pitches in, like putting the clothes away or putting the dishes away. I like taking care of him, even if I do work 12 hour days - but if it bothered me I wouldn't do it at all. I try not to let "society" rule my life and if it makes me happy then I do it and if it doesn't then I don't - even if my entire life I was taught that I shouldn't be the "housekeeper"...I kinda like it.


Let it all out, this is a safe space!