Thursday, September 23, 2010

On Parenting Styles

Coach and I could not come from different parenting backgrounds.  That's the bad news.  The good news is we've finally realized this which cuts down on arguments.

Last night we're going back and forth over what amount we need to counter-offer on a house (we're buying a house!).  We had a plan in place of what we would offer at which point of the negotiating process, but Coach had talked to his Dad earlier that day and was leaning more in the direction of what his Dad thought he should do.  I was p*ssed that he was deviating from our plan, when he gets a text from his mom that says "Counter at $105,000.


I was so angry because my parents go about things in a totally different way.  My parents have seen the houses we're looking at in person, I've kept them up to date on the purchasing process, they know exactly what they're doing.  And both of my parents have let both Coach and I know that they trust our judgment, that we're looking at some really great homes that are in good shape, and that we're staying in a comfortable price range.  They trust us to do the right thing, and because of that they haven't told us what to do or how to do it.  I love that about them.  And when someone swoops in and says "do this," I'm offended, because to me that says "I don't trust you, you're wrong so let me tell  you the right thing to do."

Coach's parents are pretty much the exact opposite of my parents.  They show how much they care by involving themselves in every step of the process, from telling Coach where he should get pre-approved at to coming down to the town where we live to look at houses with us and go through every single property with a fine toothed comb.  This screams mistrust and overbearing-ness to me, but to Coach it's just them showing that they care about us and want us to get the best possible home.

We both get that we're coming from 2 entirely different styles of parenting now.  We didn't all through the wedding planning process, which made it way harder than it needed to be.  But understanding this does make it somewhat easier, though I know I am still frustrated with Coach's parents.  I'm sure he's frustrated with mine.  Hopefully this will get easier, but I'm not going to lie-if his mom does this when Coach and I have kids, it's going to be like this home buying stuff except 1000x worse.

We'll cross that bridge when we come to it I think.

Do you and your spouse come from differing camps of parenting?  Has it caused conflict?


  1. Ahh, I read this post this morning before work and left it open because I didn't have time to comment after reading it. I can totally relate.

    My parents are definitely involved in my life and offer advice and their opinions, but nothing like David's mom. His parents recently got divorced (like right before our wedding) and she calls NONstop. It is incredibly obnoxious. She calls to vent, she calls to offer her opinion on things, she calls to talk about nothing, she calls because she's worried about things - It drives me batty. And David feels bad that she's lonely so he always answers, regardless of whether we're in the middle of dinner or a conversation. Bahhhh! Whew, I just had to get that out there.

    I hope things get better! I'm definitely anxious about when we have our own kids in the picture as well. Maybe both of our MILs will take a step back before then? Here's hoping.

  2. Oh heck yeah.

    With my parents I've always been very tell it like it is. They always know where we stand with one another.

    With Mr B's parents they couldn't be straight up if they tried.

    Drives me nuts.

    Hope it all works out with the house. Crossing my fingers for you both.

  3. Oh... parents.

    I love Paddy's parents and how close his entire family is, but I don't know if I'd feel that way if we lived in the same country. They are all very involved in each others lives, and if we lived in the same town I think I'd feel suffocated.

    I know that we'll do this at some point, so I'll have to deal with it then.

    Yay, house!

  4. My fam is involved. Way involved. We are just an involved family. We call each other three or four times a week, we share photos, we share many, many stories, we love hanging out together, and we love teasing each other.

    His, not so much. We got a phone call one year from the hospital, saying we had a new niece. His sister-in-law had been pregnant for nine months (!!!) and no one had told us.


    But thankfully, he likes it. he likes being involved. He likes being consulted. he likes belonging to my family, since we are constantly connected.

    hahahaha, he better like it. He married me. ;D

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