Monday, September 20, 2010

On Putting My Husband's Job First

I put Coach's job before mine a long time ago.

When I first met Coach, he was working on his master's degree with the intention of being a college coach.  He had some doubts a year into our relationship, and I insisted that he pursue his dream job at all costs.  We had a really tough year, the year that we were engaged, where we lived 2 hours apart and hoped and hoped that a coaching job would materialize.  Said coaching job did indeed materialize (1 week before our wedding, don't worry, I almost lost my d*mn mind) in a small town where my career prospects were drastically minimized.  I was kind of in career limbo that year we were engaged, too - it was hard to apply for anything when I didn't know where we'd be.

So now Coach has his dream job.  It's amazing.  Seeing him so happy, and so content and fulfilled every day rules.

But wow does it make my job look even worse than it did before!

I feel...stuck, now.  Like now I need to figure out what the f*ck I'm going to do with my life.  Which is scary, because some of the stuff I'd like to do with my life, I have a really hard time seeing how it's going to mesh with Coach's job.  Like seminary.  It's an enormous amount of money, and I can't see from where I am right now how Coach and I could every make that work together.

I don't regret for one second putting Coach's job before mine.  He's older than me, and his profession is far more choosy than mine.  Plus, I'm 24.  I'm just now starting to get a dim idea of what I want to do with my life.  Coach has had a clear purpose of exactly what he wanted to do since the day I met him, and he knew exactly what he needed to do to get there.  I love him, and I wanted to do everything in my power to help him get there.

I am proud of putting his career first when I did.  But now he has his career situated.  And I need to figure out mine, because Coach will do whatever he can to help me get where I want to be.

Putting his career first did put me in this weird, 50's throwback deal.  It made me feel so old fashioned.

Have you done anything for your partner that made you look old-fashioned, looking from the outside in?


  1. His job is before mine too. I am a bit old fashioned, so I am okay with that. It does give me a strange feeling though since I will rely completely on him financially. It's a bit scary.

  2. I'm kind of digging the whole old fashioned thing at the moment. I think I'd be happy playing house wife. Although that would not help us pay the bills!

    I think it's amazing that you helped him get his dream job. That is a huge thing to put someone elses needs above your own.

    And the figuring everything out job wise. I'm 30 and I still have no idea - so don't be too hard on yourself. Just find something that makes you happy.

  3. Such an amazing sacrifice on your part.

    With work, Paddy isn't really into what he does, he isn't really ambitious either- he works to make money, that's it. Whereas I'm really ambitious, and I also make more money than he does.

    We've already decided that when the time for kids comes, he'll be the one going to part-time work rather than me. He'd enjoy being home, but I think I'd go insane :)


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