Friday, December 10, 2010

On Cake

So, Thanksgiving was Coach's side of the family this year.  His mom's side had lunch, his dad's side, dinner.

His mom's side is a bit more....high flutin', you could say.  They're all on the wealthy side, and their family gatherings are different from anything I've ever been too!

Different is not code for bad here.  They take out the fine china and set up Thanksgiving dinner in these gorgeous buffet servers.  It's lovely.  There are plenty of tables set up and you can sit with whoever you'd like.  All in all a really nice meal. 

But.  In my family, you offer to help clean up/get dinner on the table, and you bring something.  You never show up empty handed. 

Not so for Coach's mom's side.  Offers to help were absolutely refused, politely of course.  And my offer to bring this killer tiramisu layer cake I make was also refused.  They have a set in stone rotation of food, and the same people bring the exact same dish every single year. 

One of his cousin's joked that her pie didn't "pass muster," so she never brought it again.  Ouch. 

So I'm not taking it personally.  It's just a world away from what I'm used to.  But I'm not going to is hard not to be a little offended.  I feel just a little like my cake isn't "good enough." 

Things are done differently.  I need to work on not feeling slightly offended. 

Does your partner's family do holidays really differently than you?  Anything about your partner's holiday tradition that leave you feeling kind of left out?


  1. Ughh, that would really bother me. It drives me crazy when people have us over for a big/nice meal and refuse to let me bring something.

    But in answer to your question - YES. David's family has always made a HUGE deal out of Christmas (read: spends WAY too much money that his mom doesn't have on presents). This year his parents got divorced and she REALLY can't afford it, and his younger siblings (who are 13 and 18) are freaking out about it. It drives me crazy that they don't understand the real meaning of Christmas because they were raised to believe it's all about gifts and what you get. Arghhh, getting frustrated thinking about it.

  2. That's really frustrating. Especially when what you've grown up with is so different than what he did. I would honestly keep offering to bring something...maybe she'll take a hint?

    My family holidays have always been really small (like 4 people) so having people bring things was never expected or needed. Josh's family is small, too, so again, nothing really to bring. Although now that you mention it I think I'll start offering to bring something. Thanksgiving this year was...lackluster at best.


Let it all out, this is a safe space!